In the Hamilton's garden.
Jenna: Over the course of my life, there were a few things I had learned to assume. If I was trying to look sexy, something would inevitably be stuck in my teeth. Berry was not my friend. And if given the opportunity, my mom would embarrass me.
Lacey: Do you think this push-up bra is doing its job?
Jenna: Yes, but just give it the day off.
Lacey: Okay. What is the single most important thing we've learned from french women?
Jenna: Don't let your mom near your face?
Lacey: Always put up your best feature. And since you refuse to show off your belly. We'll have to go with your lips. Rub it together.
Matty: Nice lips.
Jenna: One thing I didn't have to assume anymore, my status with Matty. We were clearly together. And he was not a vegetarian.
Jenna: Stop it.
Lacey: You think he's gonna ask you to formal?
Jenna : Shu...
Lacey: Jeez Louise. This is a barbecue. Who put out the formal... Napkins?
Jenna: So good.
Matty: So, what color of dress are you wearing at the dance?
Lacey: Peach.
Jenna: Black.
Lacey: Peach.
Kevin: Son, I know you're a good kid. Even though Jenna's still my little girl, I want her to have fun.
Jenna: Thankfully, my dad always had my back.
Kevin: I'm not pushing anything, but... If you guys decide to take things to the next level, make sure you wrap up the sausage.
Jenna: Assumption was the mother of all screw-ups.
At school.
Ming: What's up with the lip statement?
Jenna: I'm just trying something new.
Jenna: I was no longer "that girl". I was Matty's girl. And as such, I had to look the part.
Tamara: It's totally bumass. We're just not used to being able to see your lips from across the quad.
A boy: Greena. I want to go to formal with you.
My parents suck.
Ming: When I tried to tell them that formals were American tradition, they are like "We are Chinese!" ans I'm like "Chinese people love to party!" They didn't become a billion-strong by hanging out in the library.
Tamara: A week go, I'd have been uber clummed to go with Ricky Schwartz. But know I'm like la de freakin' da. I'm so over that jackrad.
Jenna: Can't believe I'm the only one going.
Ming: Matty asked you? When? Where?
Tamara: We want the full play by play.
Jenna: It wasn't an official invite, but he asked for the color of the dress I was wearing. So it's basically the same thing.
Jenna: It wasn't. But in the 168 hours since I became Matty's girl I had grown used to his known non-sense style.
A girl: Someone's getting an invite!
Jenna: That's for you, T.
Tamara: Oh my God ! Oh my God ! Oh my God !
Ricky: What do you say, gorgeous?
Tamara: I got nothing else to do.
Jenna: Even though I was going at Matty, I had to admit, I'd have been down with a cheestastic invite.
A mokey boy: Will you go to formal with me, Erin?
Erin: Yes !
Jenna: That's lame.
Near Matty's locker.
Jenna: You realize that'll probably go bad by lunch, right?
Matty: I'm willing to risk it. I forgot to ask you something. Are you a limo girl?
Jenna: So it wasn't the big ask. But I was definitely a limo girl.
Jenna: I'm cool with whatever.
Matty: So it's cool if we just take my truck?
Jenna : Yeah.
Sadie: That slut pole.
Lissa: There's Marcus, g-bye!
Sadie: As your friend, it's my job to tell you your plan is retarded.
Lissa: You always say that about my plans but this one is genie in a bottle. If Jake sees me with Marcus, he'll get so jealous and will ask me to formal. And then, fingers crossed, punch Marcus in the face. I've always wanted two guys to fight over me. LE!
Sadie: No! Melanie will not go to formal with you. Wake up and smell the body spray! Clark is gay! You're welcome!
Jake: Yeah, the test was brutal... I'll see you.
Lissa: Put your fingers through my hair and tell me that I'm pretty.
A boy: You're pretty.
Jake: Hey, Jenna. I got something for you. It's the new single from Watson 66.
Jenna: Let's Dance? Please tell me it's not another bad cover of Bowie.
Jake: Keep reading.
Jenna: I... I already have a date.
Jake: Oh... Okay... Yeah... He's a lucky guy. I gotta go.
During sport.
Jake: Screw formal.
Matty: What?
Jake: I got the heisman from Jenna. I thought she was into me.
Matty: Jenna Hamilton?
Jake: Do you know who she's going with?
Matty: No. Sorry, man.
Jake: Did you ask anyone yet?
Matty: Not exactly.
Jake:Blow it off. Let's get drunk.
Matty: I don't know man.
Jake: All right, dude, fine. Leave me all alone on a Saturday night wallowing in a pool of my own bloodin' vomit. That's real cool.
At Valerie's office.
Valerie: Now, I do believe you're happy. You look happy. Unless you're high. Have you been rocking the gange, J.?
Jenna: No, it's just that for once my life is pretty good and...
Valerie: And you wanted to thank me.
Jenna: And I have a boyfriend.
Valerie: We're soul sisters. I have a boyfriend too.
Jenna: Who is he?
Valerie: No one you know. He doesn't work at the school here or anything. That would be grounds for dismissal. No, he's a... Farmer. He's a farmer. Farmer Bob McDonald.
Jenna: Okay. I was just asking.
Valerie: Look at how much progress we've made in just a few short months. See, here is when you got this nasty letter. This is when you wore the cameltoe pants. Those were really dark ages. Isn't it funny how it almost seems that your incident was an accident?
Jenna: It was an accident.
Valerie: Oh, hey. Exactly. Anywho, now that you're in your renaissance, I thought you could choose your own happy sticker.
Sadie: I can see you're busy, Val. I won't come back later.
Valerie: No. You, stay.
Sadie: Her?
Jenna: Me?
Valerie: You.
Jenna: I'll go.
Valerie: So glad you have a boyfriend, J.! Way to be normal.
Sadie: You have two minutes.
Valerie: I've received several complaints about you today. Now, I know this is falling on deaf ears but you can't ruin formal for your fellow students. More importantly, you cannot out people.
Sadie: Please. When Clarke Stevenson busted out that pink feathered backpack, he outed himself. Melanie should be thanking me. Of all people, you should understand how painful it is to be someone's beard.
Valerie: It is.
Sadie: Think of you had someone like me helping you. You might have been spared all that heartache and humiliation.
Valerie's phone rings.
Valerie: Well, hello, Mr Mischra. You are correct. I am in session. Stop! No, you stop. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well. I'm hanging up now. Official school business.
Sadie: Miss Marks, while you were on the phone, I've had time to reflect on the error of my ways. I don't know where I'd be without your guidance. Thank you.
In the hallway.
Tamara: Can you believe how awesometown Ricky's ask was? He put so much thought into it. Sorry. Am I bragging too much, considering Matty didn't go all out?
Jenna: Brag away. All I care about is that Matty and I are going together. The rest of that stuff is just fluff.
Clark: Congrats, princess Jenna. I heard you're on the ballot for winter formal.
Tamara: This is a major major.
Jenna: Where are you going?
Tamara: To tell Ming!
Jenna calls her mother.
Jenna: I was just nominated for sophomore winter formal princess. Listen. I'm gonna need to go get a really great dress. You think we can do that after school? Taking that as a yes. That's a yes.
Lacey: I am getting a head start and surprising her with options. I'm so sorry Lapita, you're gonna do all the cleaning today. Okay. Bye.
Lapita: I always do all the cleaning.
At school.
Jenna: It was the first time I didn't mind people staring because it was for the right reasons. They admired me.
Sadie: I see they printed up new ballots.
A girl: Apparently, there was some last minute changes.
A girl: Let me guess. You're voting for yourself. At least, you'll get one vote.
Jenna: As you are now, you could disappear and no one would notice. So not true. I couldn't disappear. How did somebody get my letter? I had assumed my rep as a suicide case was all but dead.
A boy: Number two: your instincts suck. Second guess them.
Lissa: Number 4: when you're pretty you're happy and clearly you're not happy.
Clark: Number six: nobody likes the pitiful. Stop being such a drag.
Jenna: But my stigma was alive. And kicking me in the ass.
Lissa: Make out with me.
A boy: No way.
Another boy: Dude!
Jake: You're okay?
Jenna: You're sure you want to be seen with the biggest looser in school?
Jake: The person who wrote the letter is a looser, not you.
Jake: I thought I already have been through the worst day of my life, it turns out it was just a warm up.
Jake: Think you're having a bad day. I put myself out there, asked a girl to formal she said no.
Jenna: Forget about her, cause she is a bitch.
Jake: A raging bitch. The guy she is going with has man boobs. Who are you going with?
Jenna: It was weird. Matty still hadn't told Jake about us.
Jenna: I'm not even sure I want to go anymore.
Jake: But then who's gonna wear the crown when you win sophomore princess?
Jenna: Like that's gonna happen.
Jake: I voted for you. I mean, I wouldn't have but I did it before you turned me down. What are you gonna do for about the letter?
Jenna: Nothing. The damage has already been done.
At Jenna's locker.
Matty: Listen, I've been thinking, what if we blow off the dances and do something else instead? Dances are pretty lame, right? Is that okay?
Jenna: Sure.
Matty: Great, meet you at my truck after school.
Jenna: How could I be Matty's girl when I was still his secret? Because I was that girl, who never stood a chance of going to the formal.
At lunch.
Tamara: Just look at the label. Someone was spreading the rumor at lunch, but I didn't believe it. Until now.
Ming: You were the back up invite?
Tamara: No, I wasn't just the back up, I was sloppy fourth.
Jenna: I'm sorry, T.
Ming: Are you still gonna go?
Tamara: Over his dead body.
Jenna: If it makes you feel any better, I'm not going either.
Ming: Why not?
Jenna: Have you seen the ballots?
Tamara: I'm so sorry, I was so caught up in this Ricky's scandal I forgot to vote for you.
Ming: Holy shit!
Tamara: What kind of monster would do something so Resident Evil?
Valerie: Sadie !
Sadie: I'm talking to my friends.
Valerie: I know you did this, and your ass is grass.
Sadie: What's the matter, Val? Did you drink some bad soy milk this morning?
Valerie: Stealing someone's personal file is not only morally corrupt, it's punishable by expulsion. And I don't give a hot damn if your dad built the planetarium. This time, there will be consequences.
Sadie: You're not going to expel me, are you?
Valerie: Maybe. Maybe not. But as far as winter formal's concerned, you won't be going.
Sadie: But I already have...
Valerie: Grab that file and follow me back to my office. Good. Just wanted to be sure you were following me.
Ming: Welcome to Karmageddon, bitch.
Tamara: Ricky Schwart's sighting.
Jenna: What are you going to do?
Tamara: Tell him to go fuck himself. I will never be anyone's number 4. I deserve better. I would rather stay home Saturday night, giving my cat a manicure, than go to the dance with that idiot.
Jenna: Tamara did deserve better, and she wasn't the only one.
Tamara: It's all over. I told him to take care. There is no recovery from that. I got to walk it off.
Matty's car.
Jenna: I don't need a ride.
Matty: Is your mom picking you up?
Jenna: I would just rather walk home than go with you.
Matty: Why?
Jenna: Because. I really want to go to the damn formal. And I want a limo, and I want you to dress up in a gorilla suit. Or surprise me with balloons, or jump out of a coffin, I don't know. Maybe not the coffin, but I want the big ask. I don't care if you think it's lame. It is lame.
Matty: I want to take you. Your invite is here. Look! I was going to ask you at lunch, but then, Jake...
Jenna: Why haven't you told him?
Matty: I tried to, but he...
Jenna: But what? Nothing. You're pussy. Take care.
At the Hamilton's house.
Lacey: Don't think, just go with your first instinct! Which dress jumps out at you the most?
Jenna: None.
Lacey: But... You have no idea how great they look on.
Jenna: On who?
Lacey: Me. But I was the only one available to try them on.
Jenna: Of course. 'Cause you couldn't wait to see what I wanted. There's only one person in this room who looks good in peach, and who might that be?
Lacey: But this dress, it will look really pretty on you. We just have to stuff the bust a little.
Jenna: I'm not going to formal, I don't have a date, and my nomination was a joke.
At Matty's house.
Matty: Prep your fire zone, you have blopped guys sixteen times.
Jake: 'Cause I got the crappy controller.
Matty: Dude, can you at least try not to suck so much?
Jake: Yeah, I do suck. That's probably why Jenna rejected me.
Matty: You're still talking about it... You've been bitching about it all day. Jenna doesn't like you, okay? Get over her already.
Jake: What the hell is your problem?
Matty: I can't play, fuck you.
Jake: Then why am I even here?
Matty: To be a pain in my ass?
Jake: When you'll stop PMSing, don't bother calling me.
Matty: Yeah, I won't.
In Jenna's bedroom.
Jenna: I had taken great care to be the daughter my mom always wanted, and the girl Matty wanted to be with, but along the way, I lost sight of myself. It was time to take care of me. And I wasn't going to sit around and cry about it. Okay, maybe a little.
At school, in the toilets.
Tamara: Do you have any TP?
Sadie: Use these.
Tamara: Ever been so into a guy you thought was into you, only to find out he's into someone else? Actually, three someone elses!
Sadie: Wait, are you that girl with red frizzy hair, who always wears overalls?
Tamara: That's Leslie Gayner!
Sadie: Good, 'cause she... Is seriously nuts, jeez!
Tamara: I know! She smells like...
Sadie & Tamara: A litter box!
Tamara: Can I give you a hug?
Sadie: I'm not really a hugger.
Tamara: It's okay, I'll do all the work.
Sadie: All right.
Sadie & Tamara: Bitch!
Jake is walking in the hallway. He sees Matty and passes he's way. He notices Lissa and goes speak to her.
Lissa: Oh ! Jake.This is Marcus, we're going to formal together.
Jake: Hello, Marcus. What's up, man?
Marcus: Hey, what's up?
Lissa: Why are you hugging?
Jake: Cause we're bros.
Lissa: No hugging!
Marcus: What's wrong with hugs?
Jenna: Are you okay, T? Were you crying?
Tamara: No. I was ugly crying, but I got it out of my system.
Jenna: Be right back. I've been looking for you. We should go to the dance together. If you still wanna go.
Jake: What happened to your date?
Jenna: Didn't work out.
Jake: It just happens you have a little competition.
Jenna: Really?
Jake: Yeah. With my mum. We're gonna catch a movie, a little mother-son action, but I think I could blow her off. I've been seeing a lot of her lately, and... I think it's time for us to take a break.
Jenna: Okay, gross.
Jake: I'm in. I just need to know one thing. How's your dress?
Jenna: Not peach.
