Épisode Matty fête ses 18 ans S04E18

Hamilton’s house: kitchen

Jenna: Is that the mail?

Lacey: The mail's here?

Jenna: I should be getting an envelope from Lockard… Squirrel. Don't worry, mom. Should be hearing any day now. A girl in my English class found out yesterday.

Lacey: Yeah, I... Ordered a gift for your dad.

Jenna: Oh, crap, gift.

High school

Jenna: It was Matty's birthday, 18. Technically, he was an adult, and I was taking a page out of the adult handbook myself. The fact that he had a girlfriend didn't mean I couldn't still be his friend.

Jenna: Happy Birthday.

Matty: Aw, a cupcake. My favorite. That's so nice, Jenna. Thank you.

Jenna: Yeah, it's chocolate. Okay, you know I love...

Classroom

Gabby: I don't know, but I've been told...

Girls: Someone here is getting old.

Gabby: It's Matty's special day today.

Girls: This is what we want to say… Happy Birthday. Hap-Happy Birthday, yeah.

Matty: Thank you. My gosh.

Gabby: Yay.

Matty: Yes.

Jenna: Baking for her man seemed a little '50s to me. But I had to give Gabby props. It was sweet, if a little predictable.

Matty: Lakers tickets? Holy crap.

Jenna: Turns out I was the predictable one, rooting for Gabby's gesture to fall flat.

Classroom

Teacher: So Mary took up with the king as his mistress, but Anne Boleyn lay in wait, knowing the long game took patience and cunning.

Jake: Excuse me. Uh, Matthew McKibben, you're wanted in the Principal's office.

All: Ooh.

Teacher: Sir Thomas Wyatt's love for Anne Boleyn was obvious in his poetry. He was long thought to have had an affair with her...

Vanessa: Your surprise was so cool, Gab. You're, like, the best girlfriend ever.

Jenna: Gabby may have been Matty's best girlfriend ever, but I was determined to be his best friend ever, and that meant being polite to Gabby.

Jenna: It was really cool, Gabby. He loved it.

Gabby: Aw, thanks. Oh, hey, I'm throwing a little surprise party for Matty later. You should come.

Jenna: Gabby was clearly just playing nice. She didn't want me to be there any more than I wanted to be there. Well, I was not going to be railroaded into that.

Jenna: Tonight? I-I have plans.

Gabby: Oh, no, totally. I get it if you're not comfortable.

Jenna: Wait, what had just happened? Suddenly I wasn't feeling railroaded so much as high-roaded.

Hallway

Jake: Welcome to adulthood, man! Your ass is mine!

Gymnasium

Sadie: Okay, Slunterdogs, we need a new routine for regionals. With Lissa being suspended for tripping her technicolor dreamcoat off at the Valentine's Dance, I'm reclaiming my stolen captaincy.

So, everyone, get ready to learn a new cheer. U-g-l-y. You ain't got no alibi. You ug...

Tamara: We didn't vote you in charge, Sadist Saxton. And that cheer is mean. We are cheerleaders, not jeer leaders.

Sadie: You are like a chihuahua on study buddies. Do you ever shut up?

Tamara: You are like a bossy bulldog. Do you ever let go?

Sadie: Aah! That is it, ginger-vitis.

Tamara: Who are you calling a ginger, perma-bitch face?

Valerie’s office

Valerie: Now, look, I love a girl fight just as much as the next youtuber, but you two are seniors. You have to set an example.

Sadie: I was trying to. With Lissa gone, I'm in charge.

Tamara: Says who? I'm Class President. I should make all leadership decisions.

Valerie: Both of you shut it. I am the master of your fates and the captain of your souls, and I say you work together. Huh?

Strip club

Matty: Are we near an airport?

Jake: Probably. Surprise! Huh?

Matty: No way. How did you get us in here?

Jake: 18 and over. We're both legal now. How cool is this?

Matty: Sweet. And sour.

High school

Tamara: They have a hot food buffet. Choke me out with a cheer stick. I have to team up with Sadie. I can get along with anyone except mean girls. They're just another level of suck.

Jenna: The key is to not show fear. Sadie can smell it on you like bad... Britney Jean perfume?

Tamara: It was on sale.

Jenna: For a reason. But you know what's worse than mean girls? Fake nice ones. Apparently Gabby is having a party for Matty, a surprise party, and she invited me. Obviously I'm not going.

Tamara: Um, are you kidding?

Jenna: No.

Tamara: Jenna, Gabby just threw down the gauntlet. By inviting you, she's saying, "I'm so secure in my relationship with Matty, I can be friends with his ex." It's a power move. It's chick chicken. The first one to flinch loses. If you don't go, she wins.

Jenna: Was Tamara right? Was Gabby's invitation all about intimidation? If she expected me to decline, then my only move was to accept.

Jenna: Hey, Gabby. So my plans tonight got cancelled, and I can definitely come to the party. Yay.

Gabby: Oh, that's great, Jen. And, hey, the more the merrier.

Tamara: You're so not a Jen. I think abbreviating names is in the intimidation nation's bylaws.

Jenna: How was that for a power move? I'll be in and out in ten. I win.

Gabby: Hey, Jen, how about you stop by Matty's house after school and help me set up? That would give us some time to really get to know each other… Later.

Jenna: Just when I thought I'd hit an easy volley, Gabby upped her game.

Parking

Jenna: By the time I got to Matty's, I had psyched myself up to face off with Gabby. She may have had a full ride to Stanford for tennis, but I could handle a friendly singles match.

Matty’s house: porch

Gabby: Hey!

Jenna: I hadn't bargained for the whole team.

Strip club

Matty: This is frickin' sweet. We'd be in math class right now.

Jake: Turn down for what? You're 18.

Matty: Yeah.

Jake: You know what that means.

Matty: Actually, no.

Jake: Well, you can vote.

Matty: Next election's in two years.

Jake: You can buy a lotto ticket.

Matty: They card you for those?

Jake: You can smoke cigarettes. Oh, but don't, 'cause you could die. You can join the army. Ooh. God, I guess turning 18 is all about being allowed to do things that could kill you.

Matty: Actually, there is one thing I can do now that's pretty cool.

Jake: Oh, yeah? What?

Matty: I can find out who my birth parents are. I filled out a form a few weeks ago. Once I turn 18, I'm eligible to know.

Jake: Wow, that's intense.

Waitress: Happy Birthday. It's no lemonade, but Father Sheridan sure likes it.

Matty: God bless.

Matty’s house

Jenna: Little...

Gabby: Mm, perfect placement. We make a great team.

Jenna: Totally.

Jenna: Gabby was a fierce competitor, but I could be too. I was gonna be so fucking friendly, it hurt.

Gabby: Now, soundtrack... I was thinking Bruno Mars, because that's what was on the radio on our first date... What do you think?

Jenna: Matty's favorite band was Bastille, but I didn't want to seem like I was trying to prove I knew him better. What was the play here?

Jenna: I think that...

Vanessa: I think that you should do what you think, Gab. I mean, you are his girlfriend.

Jenna: I think if Bruno Mars is sentimental, then Matty will love it.

Gabby: Cool, thanks.

Jenna: Yikes, hummus. If Gabby served that, she'd double fault. And I wasn't just playing nice with her. If I was really Matty's friend, I'd help Gabby give him the party he'd love.

Jenna: I have to tell you, Matty hates hummus. It reminds him of cat puke.

Gabby: Uh, thank you, Jenna. You're a lifesaver. Vanessa, hide the hummus.

Vanessa: Forget the hummus. I had texted Jake to get Matty here by 6:30, and he just wrote back, "wasted," with three emojis. Two lightning bolts and a bathtub?

Gabby: Oh, my God, they're drunk. They're gonna miss the whole party. I still need to get some other dip. And who's gonna pick them up?

Jenna: Relax, I'm texting Tamara right now. She will pick up Matty and Jake. I'll grab some guacamole, and I'll steal a bottle of that Tequila Matty likes from my parents. You got nothing to worry about, Gab.

Jenna: When it came to playing nice, I had just aced Gabby. Game, set, match.

Gymnasium

Tamara: Five, six, seven, eight. Great form, guys. Now, for this next part, I was thinking, "yay, yay, what a day. Don't matter if we win, as long as we play."

Sadie: That cheer is lame. You're being too nice, strawberry short bus.

Tamara: I can do a meaner cheer, just not "u-g-l-y." I've got it. N-o-t a-t-t-r-a-c-t-i-v-e. Not attractive! Not, not attractive!

Sadie: It is no use! I'm a bulldog, and you're a chihuahua. We were never meant to play nice.

Tamara: Whoa, I have to pick up Jake and Matty at a strip club? I'm not going by myself. I need a bulldog.

Hamilton’s house: kitchen

Jenna: The big envelope. Everyone knew what that meant. I'd wait until after Matty's party to open it and savor all the details. But it sure felt good to finally be able to say...

Jenna: I got in! I got in!

Strip club: entrance

Tamara: I can't believe we can't get in.

Nice try, though... Shakira.

Tamara: These hips don't lie… But I do. Come on.

Strip club: back entrance

Sadie: Just so we're clear, I'm doing this for Matty, because I wouldn't let him miss his party. I would never go to these lengths for anyone else, especially not you.

Tamara: Well, I'm doing this for Jenna. We just made it through a minor rough patch in our friendship, and it's important for me to pull through for her.

Woman: Names.

Tamara: I'm Chi-chi Wa-wa, and this is Sadie Saxton.

Sadie: Don't use my real name!

Tamara: Why not? It sounds like a stripper name.

Woman: Okay, lockers are there. Disposable razors and baby wipes on the counter.

Sadie: Let's just go get them.

Woman: No. Stage is that way.

Tamara: We're just here to get some guys.

Woman: Aren't we all, sweetie? Come on, you two up next.

Strip club

Jake: There she is. Yeah!

Matty: Oh, man, I got to pee so bad, but I don't think I can stand up.

Jake: Yeah, what's in these? That looks like...

Both: Tamara and Sadie.

Whoo, let's go!

Priest: Take it off!

Sadie: You take it off.

Priest: Hoo! Hoo!

Tamara: Yay, yay, what a day. Five, six, seven, eight.

Sadie: Doesn't matter if you win, as long as you play.

Priest: Take it off. Yeah, baby.

Jake: Whoo! My eyes. Gouge out my eyes!

Matty: This can't be happening.

Sadie: Let's go, boys.

Jake: Mm. Let's go, girls.

Sadie: Seriously, you're coming with us.

Matty: No, no. No touching. They said no touching.

Sadie: No, dummy. Gabby is throwing you a surprise party, and you're missing it.

Matty: Oh, okay.

Matty’s house

Jenna: Tamara said they'll be here any minute.

Gabby: Everybody hide. Matty's coming. Everybody hide, hide… Girl, thank you so much. I have to admit, I was kind of nervous to ask you for help, but I'm glad I did.

Jenna: Nervous? Why?

Gabby: Because I was afraid you'd think my party ideas were lame. You're creative and alternative. I'm, like, straight and boring.

Jenna: Gabby, you're not boring. If anything, you're intimidating.

Gabby: I'm intimidating? Matty really respects you and likes you as a person. That's a lot to take on in somebody's ex. But I'm glad we're hanging out, because I like you, Jenna. I genuinely do.

Jenna: Validation was coming from all sorts of unexpected places today. First Lockard and now Gabby? I had been wrong to think she had any agenda other than kindness. Finding out I was wrong about her was a very happy...

All: Surprise!

Matty: What? You!

Later

Matty: Okay. Thank you, Grannie McKibben. I don't play baseball. Envelope from Uncle Doug. Yeah.

Jenna: Speaking of envelopes, guess what. I'm in.

Tamara: Yay-germeister! Where?

Jenna: Lockard, but it doesn't matter where. I'm just glad I'm in somewhere.

Gabby: That's awesome, chica. Congrats.

Tamara: So are you guys friends now or something? Well...

Both: Yay, yay, what a day!

Jenna: So what, are you guys friends now?

Sadie: Ew, no!

Tamara: Never.

Matty: You guys, this party, it is... It is off the chain. You got all my favorites. You got guacamole, tequila, Bastille. I mean, I am the luckiest guy.

Girl friendships are as perplexing as they are pleasurable.

Jenna: I suddenly realized that this had never been a competition for Gabby. She wasn't trying to intimidate me. She was just straight-up cool. And being truly cool meant not just playing nice but actually being nice.

Jenna: The party was all Gabby.

Matty: To Gabby.

Gabby: Aw, I can't. I have a big match tomorrow.

Matty: Mm. Uh, Jenna?

Jenna: It felt good, not needing the credit. I was still a friend to Matty, but I'd made a new friend in Gabby.

Jenna: Well, looks like my work here is done… But Happy Birthday.

Gabby: Jenna… Thank you.

Jenna: Any time.

Hamilton’s house: kitchen

Jenna: I have to say I am pretty proud.

Lacey: Oh, my God. Wait, you are? Oh, thank you. Oh, thank God.

Jenna: Thank you?

Lacey: For being proud of me. I just didn't know how you would react.

Jenna: Proud of you?

Lacey: Yeah.

Jenna: Wait. Why does that say Lacey? Oh, my God, you applied to Lockard? You applied to college? Why didn't you tell me?

Lacey: I didn't tell anyone, not even your dad.

Jenna: Did you take the SATs? What did you get? Oh, don't even tell me. I can't believe this is happening.

Lacey: Honestly, I can't even believe I got in.

Jenna: Well, is there one for me? I mean, did I get in?

Lacey: Yes, there's something for you, see? Jenna Hamilton.

Jenna: It was the small envelope. Big fuck deal.

Hamilton’s house: Jenna’s bedroom

Jenna: I had spent all day trying to be adult about things and right now I was fresh out. My mom had applied to college? And what was worse: She had gotten in somewhere that had rejected me?

Lacey: Jenna, please talk to me.

Jenna: Go away!

Lacey: Sweetie, I didn't think that I would actually get in. It's just that I never got to go, and then you're gonna be leaving me all alone, and I just thought...

Jenna: You just thought you'd way overstep your nonexistent boundaries and interfere with my life for the millionth time? Just leave me alone!

Matty: Psst.

Jenna: What are you doing here?

Matty: I needed a drinking partner. Are you okay? W-what's wrong?

Jenna: I didn't get into Lockard.

Matty: Was that your first choice?

Jenna: But my mom did.

Matty: Youch. That's crazy. It sounds like you need a drinking partner more than I do.

Jenna: Hmm.

Matty: Whoa.

Jenna: Ooh. Oh.

Matty: Mm.

Jenna: Ugh. Oh, chasing Tequila with chocolate. I'm so cool.

Matty: Yeah.

Jenna: You know who's cool? Gabby. She's so self-confident and easy breezy. I'm just not that awesome. Lockard agrees.

Matty: It's not true.

Jenna: Matty, let's be honest… The only reason you were interested in me in sophomore year is because I'd sleep with you. And I am not criticizing you. I'm just saying what's true. Now there's Gabby, and... You'll wait for her and date her out in the open, and... That's not me.

Matty: Jenna, do you know why I'm really here? Okay, I didn't want to drink alone, yes… But I also wanted to thank you… You gave Gabby all the credit, but I know you helped with that party… Today I got an envelope with my birth parents' names in it, and I didn't want to open it alone… Wow… My mom does not want to be found.

Jenna: "Mother does not desire contact." Matty, I'm so sorry. "Father: Daniel Durand, Portland, Oregon."

Matty: Durand. That is so weird. I could have been Matty Durand… Or not even Matty, I guess… Thank you for being here.

Jenna: Uh...

Matty: What?

Jenna: We can't do this.

Matty: We are doing this.

Jenna: Matty...

Matty: It's you and me. That's kind of different. Go beyond the rules of high school.

Jenna: There are still rules. And one of those rules: don't make out with your friend's boyfriend… Like I said, Gabby's a really cool girl.

Matty: Yeah, she is. So are you.