Jake: Cut! Cut! Jenna, you can't look into the camera.
Jenna: Although I never aspired to be a video ho, hanging poolside with my friends didn't seem like the worst way to spend a Saturday.
Jenna: So what'd you do last night?
Tamara: Laundry, my nails. You?
Jenna: Oh, nothing much. Just slept with Matty.
Tamara: Shut the front side and back door. Hurricane WTF. How did this happen? Tell me everything… So how was it? How did you leave it?
Jenna: Mm. Peace.
Tamara: "Peace"? That's the last thing you said to him?
Jenna: Well, yeah.
Tamara: So you didn't DTR?
Jenna: T, we're seniors. We don't need to DT-anything. We had fun, and I'm not gonna overthink it. Besides, I can't expect anything from Matty after what I put him through.
Tamara: Sophomore Tamara would call shenanigans, but senior Tamara trusts that senior Jenna knows what she's doing. Look at us being all supes supermature… Ugh, hide me. I don't want Jake asking me what I think of this video. I have no poker face.
Jenna: This song is about you.
Tamara: "Conquering Hero"? I mean...
Jenna: Do you ever think that you're not that into Jake's music because you're not that into Jake anymore?
Tamara: What? No! Of course not. I love Jake. He's my boyfriend. It's senior year. Lots of couple stuff happens senior year, so yeah. You should add acting in this video to your activities column on your college apps.
Jenna: Already done. I'm gonna go say hi to Matty.
Tamara: And not talk about it for ten minutes first? I am loving senior Jenna.
Jenna: I was too. Senior Jenna was cool, confident, and ready to face whatever was coming.
Jake: I'm sorry, I didn't know the Kombucha was loaded.
Matty: Hey, are you okay?
Jenna: Yeah, I'm fine.
Jenna: Oh, is my nose bent? Is it bent?
Matty: Uh, maybe don't touch it.
Jenna: What, is it bleeding? Is it bleeding?
Matty: No, it's not that bad. I'm gonna go find the first aid kit. There's these tampon-y thingies that stops that.
Jenna: I had fantasized about Matty coming to my rescue many times, but in my fantasies, I was not shoving feminine products up my nose. And he was riding a horse.
Matty: Don't touch it!
Jenna: God, I really hope this is fixable, because I cannot pull off a gold tooth or a grill, and I hate going to the dentist.
Matty: Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't find the kit.
Jenna: That's okay. I'm fine anyway.
Matty: Yeah.
Tamara: I found your tooth! Oh, it's a rock.
Valerie: What can I do for you, J?
Jenna: I need more extracurriculars on my college apps.
Valerie: Oh, yeah, I heard every club you went to dissed and dismissed you… Harsh.
Jenna: I'm trying to be more proactive and make up for the mistakes that I made last year like you said. But I need your help.
Valerie: I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you just said. That busted grill is like a car accident. Can't stop staring, but it's also repelling me. It's slim pickings, but there are still a few clubs recruiting.
Jenna: What's PC?
Valerie: Oh, it's just a reminder to myself to be more PC. Wait, no, that's Peer Counselling. I'm starting a program where senior girls mentor freshman ones. It's like a big sister thing. But you'd be terrible at that. Look, J, I'd love to help you, but I gotta get back to my little Asian tree. I just love Asian things. They're all so tiny.
Jenna: I could totally mentor someone. You've already taught me so much about helping people.
Valerie: I'll tell you what. I'll give you a trial run. I'll let you counsel some of my neediest cases, but you gotta have that tooth fixed first. These girls are fragile enough as it is.
Jenna: I'm going to the dentist right after school.
Valerie: Yeah, please don't do that.
Tamara: Actually, I think your smackdown was a lucky strike. I mean, sure, you'll be off solids for a while, but nothing says insta-couple like Matty being the knight in shining armor to your dental damsel in distress.
Jenna: Hold on, when did I say I wanted to be a couple? I told you, I'm not overthinking this.
Tamara: You're not?
Jenna: No. Besides, Valerie's gonna let me try out for this peer counselling thing, and I can't screw it up. I really have to focus on that right now. Mm.
Tamara: Wow. I totally respect that, senior Jenna. Okay, no, this feels too weird. I know you don't want to overthink it, but you have to at least regular think it.
Jake: Come on, man, you learn a few chords, and boom! We're a band.
Matty: Yeah, I don't know, bud.
Jake: Hey, how's your mouth? Again, I'm so sorry about that.
Matty: Yeah, it looks like it hurts.
Jenna: No, it's fine. My tongue hurts a little when I talk, but other than that, it's nothing major. I'm going to the dentist after school to get it fixed.
Jake: Did you guys listen to my new song I emailed?
Tamara: I think mine went to spam. I promise I'll get to it.
Jake: Seriously? Is that what Yoko said to Lennon? "I'll get to it"?
Matty: Good luck at the dentist.
Tamara: "Good luck at the dentist"? And that arm squeeze? That's how my uncle greets me at Thanksgiving.
Jenna: Still not thinking about it.
Jenna: But suddenly I was. Matty had never been chatty, but now he was practically mute. Was it because… Nope. I was not going to think the worst.
Tamara: I hate to put a damper on your chill-attitude, but something is wonky in the post-bone zone.
Jenna: I'm fine. Besides, you're the one raining on Jake's parade. Have you listened to his song yet?
Tamara: Yeah, love.
Jenna: You know you look up when you lie, right?
Tamara: Tonight, I swear.
Matty: Hey, Jenna.
Jenna: Finally, just when I was starting to worry that that annoying little voice… And by annoying little voice, I meant Tamara… Was right, the man of few words finally had something to say.
Matty: You holding pom-poms is some crazy shit.
Lissa: Some of you might need a little extra attention or encouragement. Remember, I am here for you.
Sadie: I hate to interrupt this sickening and condescending pep smear, but I need to leave early today.
Lissa: Sadie, what's going on with you? Are you okay? I never see you anymore, and lately, you kind of smell like sausage.
Sadie: You don't get it, do you? We're not friends anymore. You threw that away when you accepted this captaincy.
Lissa: If you leave now, don't come back.
Sadie: Don't you ultimatum me, Lissa.
Lissa: You heard me. I'm ultimating you.
Lacey: Jenna? Oh, hi, sweetie. Welcome back. So while you were out, I gave the okay to Dr. Weir to take your wisdom teeth out too. With our dental plan, I just figured, get it all done at once. Why waste the good anesthesia?
Dentist: No, really. Try not to open your mouth at all for 24 hours.
Lacey: Remember, no opening your mouth. And keep biting down so the pressure stops the bleeding. Here's your aftercare kit and your pain meds. And we will change your bloody dressing after school.
Jenna: Mmm?
Lacey: I was thinking, your dark hoodies depress the rest of our clothes, so unless you object, I'll toss a couple in the church donation box.
Jenna: Mm-mm!
Lacey: And you know that diamond bracelet Nana gave me? Well, it's possible it was actually intended for you.
Jenna: Mmm...
Lacey: And you remember Mr. Mittenboots? He didn't die in his sleep. I left him in the house when we tented for termites accidentally.
Jenna: Mmm!
Lacey: Yeah, you're right. We can't live forever. Oh, honey, I love our chats. Are you sure you can't stay home from school today? Ah.
Eva: I've flirted with different religions over the years… Buddhism, Kabbalah, Baha'i but nothing ever really stuck on, you know, a real gut level.
Lissa: Well, don't flirt. Commit. Accept Jesus as your personal saviour today and free yourself.
Sadie: She's moved on already? It's been, like, a day.
Eva: I mean, is there really a God, though?
Sadie: Keep your mouth shut and follow my lead, drama club. Laugh. Laugh like you mean it, rando. You're on.
Girl: Ow. I don't like this play.
Sadie: See you at our slumber party.
Jenna: Mmm!
Tamara: I could never not talk for 424 hours.
Jenna: Mm-mm.
Tamara: I would never not be able to talk for 24 hours. Oh, my God, Jenna. I listened to Jake's new song and… Shocked face… It's dreamy dandy ear candy. I got so excited that I can finally be excited that I bought us matching headphones, so we can listen to his music. Oh, I am so relieved. The united mates of Jakara is once again a most perfect union.
Jenna: I hadn't heard from Matty at all since yesterday. But in all fairness, neither of us were the best at verbalizing our feelings.
Matty: Peace.
Jenna: I couldn't have talked to Matty that day even if I wanted to. Did I want to?
Tamara: You know you're just standing there making weird faces.
Jenna: I at least wanted him to want to talk to me.
Valerie: So, Matty, I talked to your coach, and he thinks that you might be able to get a soccer scholarship, which is... "Amazing, Val!" This is big news. Can you please give me something to work with?
Matty: Yeah, I can. The one thing I want from a college is someplace as far away from here as possible.
Brunette: So last time I visited him in prison, I accepted his proposal, but I'm not sure how to tell my parents. But he gave me this promise ring with "Helter Skelter" engraved on it. So sweet.
Crying girl: Okay, what I'm trying to say is...
Musician: I can only express myself in music.
Jenna: Leaving my peer counselling sessions, not only was my mouth throbbing, but my head was too from listening to all those girls, interrupted.
Cole: Jenna. Jenna. Hungry.
Theo: Hungry.
Cole: Theo needs some pain relief for the pain.
Theo: We know you're holding.
Cole: Show us your stash.
Theo: What? Oblongs? 2.5s? This is amateur hour.
Cole: Children's Aspirin.
Theo: You need to go back to that dentist and tell him you're in serious pain.
Cole: What are you? A baby?
Jenna: Even post-painkiller, I was feeling my pain. Matty hadn't responded to my text. But it had only been an hour and 17 minutes. And really, how could I have expected an answer when I hadn't asked a question?
Lissa: Hey, Jenna, are you going to the pep rally next week? It's Tyler's first game, so I was wondering if you could sit with him. He gets nervous in unfamiliar settings. At least he's not afraid of the toilet anymore. PS, you're doing a really great job as pom collector.
Sadie: Who have you told about the food truck? Matty? Jake? Tamara? Who? And you think I don't see what you're trying to do with Lissa? She's just looking for rebound friends, and you are not good enough for her, Jenna. You are a dirty girl, Jenna. And Lissa is a sweet, kind, pure person, and I don't know how our friendship got so fucked up, but I am going to find a way to fix it. But keep your nasty mess to your skitchy self in the meantime, Hamiltoe.
Jenna: Finally the painkillers kicked in, not a moment too soon. It was as if Sadie's insults and threats were being phoned in from a distant planet.
Sadie: What the fuck? Keep your hands off my bun and your mouth shut, freak.
Sadie: It's not what it looks like. She means nothing to me. Lissa, don't go!
Jenna: The drugs had made my pain go away, as well as my hand-eye coordination. And my ability to stop thinking about how not many puppets had mustaches.
Eva: Oh, honey, here. Let me help you. The only upside to dating a junkie was the fact that I got over my fear of needles. Plus he wrote this killer song about me.
Jenna: "K." Matty had responded with one single letter. Was he just in a hurry, or was that all he had to say? Confused, desperate, and a little high, I turned to the first person I could for answers.
Eva: Ouch. "K." Well, "KK" is the only polite way to respond to a text unless you want some loser to get the hint and stop texting you. That's when you write "K." I mean, I take "K" as an insult. Does that help?
Jenna: Cookie Monster didn't have a mustache. Neither did that super mean dog. There was a lot of churning in my head, but one thing was clear.
Valerie: Jenna, we have to talk about peer counselling… You should be sorry for keeping your light under a barrel. Who knew you were so empathetic? The girls loved you. So your technique is just to say nothing? In that silence just now, I realized I need to pick up fabric paint on my way home. You... Are... Amazing.
Tamara: Hey, babe. So I listened to your new song, and no JK, it's the reals.
Jake: Oh, thanks. Um, we need to talk.
Tamara: I know. It was wrong of me not to listen to it until now, because it's actually decent.
Jake: Wow, that's high praise.
Tamara: I know! Wow, the way those banjos kicked in in the beginning. Granted, I was all, "Hold up. Did I just take a time machine back to 2010?" But then I kept listening, and there's a lot of really good stuff in there.
Jake: Aw, gee, thanks, babe.
Tamara: You're welcome. It's like, you know how you blink a lot when you tell a story? Well, at first I thought it was super annoying, but then I grew to like it. And the way you pronounce the "L" in salmon? Actually, I'd really like it if you stopped doing that. It's embarrassing at restaurants.
Jake: I want to break up.
Tamara: You're breaking up with me? Is this about the music? 'Cause I get it now. You actually can write a good song.
Jake: Can you hear what you're saying? Because it actually sounds really insulting.
Tamara: I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help you.
Jake: Help me? Your idea of helping is controlling. Look, we're clearly going in two different directions.
Tamara: What are you talking about? We're both seniors in high school. We're both going to college next year. How different could our directions be? Do you really want to be single in senior year?
Jake: Is that actually what you're worried about? You know, you should be happy. You don't have to pretend to like my music anymore.
Tamara: Yeah, well, that's not the only thing I've been pretending to like.
Tamara: Jake broke up with me. What am I gonna do? I love him. He was my first. I loved us. I loved being a Palos Hills power couple. How did I screw this up? Yeah, I know I was a little hard on him, but in all fairness, he needed my input. That barefoot thing would have gotten him axed before the battle rounds on The Voice. And I am not the only one who made mistakes. Do you remember when he told the whole school that I dye my hair? That was so not chic.
Jenna: Mm-mm.
Tamara: Am I not worthy of love?
Jenna: Mm-mm.
Tamara: Ugh, what am I saying? Of course I am. I am so glad you were there for me.
Lissa: For the love of God and all things holy, kick that ball right past the goalie!
All: Yay!
Lissa: All right, good job, guys. So proud of all of you. Now let's do it one more time, and follow along, okay? So it's, "For the love of God..."
Sadie: Lissa. Lissa.
Lissa: "And all things holy, kick that ball straight past the goalie!"
Sadie: Lissa, this is why I needed to leave early, Lissa. I'm still broke, and I work in a fucking food truck.
Lissa: What? Why didn't you say something? It wouldn't have changed anything.
Sadie: How could I? You looked up to me. I didn't want to let you down. Plus you have a really big, stupid mouth.
Lissa: She's so brave. I know we can make this work.
Sadie: I don't know, but I want to try.
Lissa: I know we can figure this out. We love each other too much not to.
Sadie: I know. Even if it means something painful, like you giving up your cheer captaincy.
Jenna: Tamara and Sadie had both spoken their minds, and it was time for me to speak mine. Well, write mine out.
Matty: Hi. I'm sorry, I can't really focus on that right now. Catch you later, okay? I got to go.
Jenna: And just like that, I was sophomore Jenna again. My worst fear had come true. I had made a huge mistake by sleeping with Matty. I was so mad at myself, I could scream. Well, theoretically.
Lacey: Almost got it. Oh, jeez. And… Oh…
Jenna: Valerie's making me a peer mentor. Even though I didn't say anything to these girls the whole time, they absolutely loved me. And Sadie drives a food truck. And she drove it on the field. And Jake and Tamara broke up.
Lacey: You got to gargle with this. Please.
Jenna: And I have something else to tell you. I slept with Matty. And now he's ignoring me, and he's playing these stupid games that I thought we were past.
Lacey: Honey, high school boys can be so moody.
Jenna: Well, now that I can talk, I'm gonna tell him exactly how I feel about his mood.
Lacey: No. This past day has been fantastic, and I have never felt closer to you. I will treasure these mother-daughter moments we've had.
Jenna: What moments? I couldn't talk.
Lacey: Right, but you could listen. Maybe just sit tight for a moment. Matty will talk to you when he's ready to talk.
Jenna: But I can't…
Lacey: Just promise me you'll sleep on it.
Jenna: Fine.
Tamara: I treated myself to a bag of PB pretzels and fell asleep watching flash mob marriage proposals. I have a new lease on life.
Jenna: I'm glad you're feeling better.
Tamara: What about you? Any more intoxi-texting?
Jenna: No, not since yesterday, but I'm cool with it. If he wants to talk, we'll talk. I'm not gonna push it.
Tamara: Wow, look at us not letting boy drama ruin our senior buzz.
Jenna: I'm easy-breezy.
Jenna: But I wasn't. And before I knew it, my mouth was open.
Jenna: Excuse me, Matty?
Matty: Hey, Jenna.
Jenna: Hey. Hey, well, I'm sorry to bother you, but I know you've been avoiding me, and I'm just wondering why.
Matty: I wasn't avoiding you.
Jenna: Please don't treat me like an idiot. We don't have to have a big talk. I'm just wondering--
Matty: Listen, Jenna. The thing is…
Jenna: No, you listen to me, Matty. I am not gonna be your shameful secret again.
Matty: What are you talking about?
Jenna: The ignoring me. The blowing me off. The not texting me back. The "K." Is it because we slept together? Pretending I don't exist is not the mature or nice way to handle things.
Matty: This isn't about you.
Jenna: Actually, it is, Matty, because I was there too, and I have feelings too. It is about me. It is all about me.
Matty: I'm adopted. I just found out, and it's fucked… This isn't about you.
