Tamara thought Matty and I were a “we”. And I thought that was good enough for me. But I was having some serious party jitters. My outfit said yes, but my gut said, stay the hell home. Maybe it was a sign that Matty needed room to miss me. But, for better or worse, Tamara could usually convince me of anything. And she was intent on convincing me that Matty and I had a thing. I didn’t know what kind of thing, but I was hoping the party would clear that up.
That still didn’t mean I had ever learned the etiquette of being a “we”. Did I let him know I was on my way to the party? Text him when I got there? Have him meet me out front? These were the kinds of lessons a mom should teach you, but all my mom did was ask if Matty and I were together. Apparently, this was a burning question on everyone’s mind. If only I could answer it.
I was hoping it would be clear as soon as I got to the party, but Sadie bitch-rained on that parade when she asked who invited me. I thought Matty did, but he hadn’t texted me, he didn’t walk me in. Maybe his “you should come” comment was made out of post-orgasmic obligation. Then, in a very public display of validation, Matty admitted he did invite me! That settled it. Matty and I were a ‘we.’
So there we were. Out in public. For the whole…small group of people to see. I wondered how he’d introduce me, as his girlfriend, his date, his lu-vah?
He opted for not introducing me at all. I would’ve settled for Jenna.
The night went on pretty much along that awkward track. If our body language was analyzed by the experts at US Weekly, they would have said “we” were on the outs.
I finally got him alone, or as alone as you can be at a kick-back. Sometimes a keg is all you need for a little privacy. So there “we” were, not speaking. I desperately wanted him to say something, anything, even though I was stuck on mute. In the moment all I could think about was the fact that twenty-four hours ago, Matty was taking my temperature with his all-beef thermometer, and now he couldn’t even ask me how much foam I wanted.
Maybe he was just shy. I mean, I’d never been out with him before. For all I know, he had social anxiety. Then, he stripped down and jumped in the hot tub. So, my shy theory was a tad off.
Once again, I was on the outside of the circle looking in…at another girl all over Matty. But Tamara was right. Matty wasn’t responsive, even though sluts-her-face was practically dry-humping him. I did want to go in. And what did I have to lose? I had some Victoria Secrets of my own.
But apparently so did she. Although kissing Matty in public wasn’t really keeping it a secret at all.
I didn’t know if he was going out of his way to answer my question, but he couldn’t have made it any clearer. Matty and I weren’t a “we” at all. There was only me. And me…was devastated.
At least I had a friend in Jake. And when he was telling me about his own intimacy issues with Lissa, I knew exactly what he meant. Not that I wanted to take it up the Kardashian, but maybe Matty and I shouldn’t have done anything until we knew each other better. I had barely spent any time with Jake and I already knew extremely intimate stuff about him…weird stuff I didn’t really want to know. But unlike Matty, he was willing to share, and for the moment, some platonic intimacy would have to do.
Traduction à venir ! ;)